OMG IF I HEAR ONE MORE MUM COMPLAIN….

This really resonated with me this week because I have done a lot of complaining of late. But I think the fact that so many mums are thought to be ‘complainers’ highlights a much greater issue. Firstly, why is a mum sharing the reality of what she’s experiencing called ‘complaining’. Secondly, why does she have to complain online, where are her support networks?

Motherhood can be lonely and sharing the good, bad, humorous experiences of our day is important.

Here’s a thought- If you partner is ‘complaining’ think about this, she’s probably been inside all day with the kids and hasn’t had any adult company all day. This wonder woman has suppressed her emotions and not exploded at the kids and now needs an outlet to share what she’s coped with alone all day. Your partner has been amazing, she has loved spending the day with the kids but it hasn’t been a walk in the park. Listen to her vent, she needs you to be that person, support her. Do not silence her and make her and make her feel guilty for sharing.

We love being a mums. Personally if I could find a way to be a mum every day and not have to go to work I would in a heartbeat. But even people with their dream jobs need breaks. It doesn’t mean they don’t love the job. It also doesn’t mean that every day goes perfectly and they never complain about anything. Cut us some slack. Let us share our experiences and connect with other mums. When we build each other up we make the world of raising little people less lonely. It gives us power and energy, and sometimes the fuel we need to keep going without crying. So rant Mumma all you like, I love hearing other people are experiencing what I am. Your ‘complaining’ makes me laugh, cry and jump for joy that I’m not alone.

We got this motherhood thing ladies!

Mumma Z xxx

Mum’s NEED Cafes & Cafes NEED Mum’s! Please make them mum friendly

Cafe’s have been my soul food for many years. Not only do they sell my favourite beverage they make me feel human. Each cafe brings back memories of time well spent with friends, favourite dishes, or cold mornings waiting for a hot caffeine hit,

Recently my favourite drive thru cafe closed and it really got me thinking about just how important it was for to have a place like this when I was in the early newborn days.I couldn’t tell you how many times I loaded my eldest in the car and drove around the suburbs just to get him to sleep. That cafe was my sanctuary. I was so regular I could hand over my keep cup without having to speak my order. They’d let me know when my favourite mini carrot cakes were in stock and made the best breakfast toasties complete with gooey cheese . I could rely on them to make me nutritious food when I was sleep deprived and could have easily be lined up in the machos drive-thru instead. Now with my second son I regularly think of that cafe, there is no where close to home to get a good drive thru coffee and the thought of having to get two kids out of the car to meet my caffeine needs is exhausting. The only thing that could have made that place better is if they did drive thru milk and bread as well because I would be there daily.

Drive thru cafes are also amazing because they don’t make us mummas feel like unwanted and burdensome. So often when I do get to a cafe they have failed to consider young mums in their design. The staff want to hide you up the back, or outside if they can.

When my first son was a year old I stopped at a shopping mall cafe trolly loaded with groceries it had been a long morning and I just wanted a coffee and some morning tea. My son got hold of a spoon and started tapping it on his highchair, the lady on the phone at the table next to us shoosed me and rudely indicated to me to make my son be quiet. I know it must have been frustrating for her as she was on the phone but we were at a public place in a mall. She wasn’t entitled to make me feel small. I had every right to be there with my 1 year old. We need to support young mums. Getting out of the house can be hard and we should be supported when we actually do it. Forcing us to stay inside is not good for our mental health.

I recently went to a cafe with my two kids where I could barely get inside because of my pram. Once inside I felt in the way as they really wasn’t anyway to have the pram and highchair set up without blocking a walkway or someone else’s table. Later that week I went to another cafe to meet a friend again with the two kids in the pram. The waitress watched me struggling to find the highchairs and get the boys organised. When I asked her where they were she explained they were out the back of the restaurant making it pretty clear she want going to get it for me. I’m not sure how she expected me to get the highchair and carry it back whilst pushing the pram, or maybe she thought I’d leave my two boys unattended to go and self serve the highchair. I don’t know but both options made me feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. Instead I had to wait for my friend to arrive, then I went and got the highchair. The whole thing was awkward. Later on when ordering our coffees I also ordered my son eggs and toast from the kids menu. When his food arrived it came with adult cutlery..he’s 2. When I asked if they had kids cutlery I was told again it was self service at the back of the restaurant, once more making it pretty clear I was expected to go and get it. . Look I get it some places don’t want to be family friendly and I pay that for bars and fancy restaurants but cafes come on. My son wasn’t eating for free and it really made me feel like I was being treated as lesser because I had little kids. Sometimes us mum’s just need to be cut some slack. Most of the day these cafes their empty, and us mums are good business. We not only order coffees and food, but babyccinos and snacks! We’re desperate to get out of the house and it’s highly likely we will go for the second coffee in house and maybe even a takeaway too. Try to consider us in your cafe layouts and make us feel welcome when we enter your establishments. It means so much to us and makes our lives a hell of a lot easier!

To the cafes that are already family friendly and provide those kids corners, or colouring books and pencils THANKYOU! You will never know how much you do to make me feel human again and allow me to steal 10 minutes of peace to drink my coffee.

Mumma Z xxx

MY PCOS PREGNANCY JOURNEY: PART TWO

I always knew I wanted two or more kids and I loved the idea of having a small age gap between them. I asked around and decided that two years would be the perfect number. After doing some maths I worked out I needed to fall pregnant in the Sep/Oct to have baby number 2 around the time my first born turned 2. So off I went to my fertility doctor to start ovulation induction again. Slight problem though I had only just given up breastfeeding..so he sent me off. You see I needed to have stopped breastfeeding for at least 8 weeks before I could start treatment again.

Fast forward to November I returned to see him and Ovulation Induction began swiftly. Slightly more difficult to get a toddler to mums in the morning, get bloods done and get to work on time though but I managed because I knew all of the stress and sacrifice would be worth it.

Here’s how it went second time around:

Round 1

• Blood Test 1: Start a course of Letrozole for 5 days , no unprotected sex, return in 7 days
• Blood Test 2 : Estrogen still baseline, no unprotected sex, return in 3 days
• Blood Test 3: Estrogen rising, no unprotected sex, return in 2 days
• Blood Test 4: Estrogen rising, attend an internal ultrasound, no unprotected sex, return in 2 days
• Blood Test 5 : Administer Ovidrel Pen tonight. Do booster injections of a reduced dose 3 more times this week. Start trying to conceive that night, the next day and the day after, return in 10 days
• Blood Test 6 : Good levels, return in 9 days
• PERIOD 😦

This time I was emotional. The toll of doing this treatment whilst raising a toddler and working was full on. What added to it was that my parents knew because I needed their help so I could get to bloods on time. For some reason I felt like I’d let them down not being pregnant which is so silly but its just how I felt.

Round 2

• Blood Test 1: Commence Letrozole for 5 days, no unprotected sex, return in 7 days
• Blood Test 2 : No estrogen rise yet, no unprotected sex, return in 4 days
• Blood Test 3: Estrogen starting to rise, no unprotected sex, return in 2 days
• Blood Test 4: Estrogen rising nicely, attend an internal ultrasound, no unprotected sex, return in 1 days.
• Blood Test 5 : Administer Ovidrel Pen tonight. Do booster injections of a reduced dose 3 more times this week.Start trying to conceive that night, the next day and the day after. Commence progesterone TWICE daily, return in 8 days.
• Blood Test 6 : Continue progesterone, return in 9 days.
• Blood Test 7 : Good pregnancy levels, continue progesterone, return in 3 days.
• Blood Test 8 : Good rise in levels, continue progesterone, return in 4 days.
• Blood Test 9 : Good pregnancy levels, continue progesterone, return in 4 days.
• Blood Test 10 : Good pregnancy levels, continue progesterone, return in 3 days.
• Blood Test 11: : Good pregnancy levels, continue progesterone, NO MORE BLOODS!

Again it worked on the second month of treatment YAY! and 8 months later we welcomed our second baby boy.

Treatment isn’t a fun process and it wears you out emotionally and physically. But there is hope and it does happen so please hold onto that on the hardest of days.

Mumma Z xxx

MY PCOS PREGNANCY JOURNEY: PART ONE

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I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). I was diagnosed at 15 after experiencing irregular periods. All I recall form the diagnosis was that the doctor did a blood test and quickly prescribed me the contraceptive pill which I remained on for the next decade. My story is not unique. Many women I speak too experienced that same thing. Just like them I didn’t understand my condition or how it was affecting my weight or mental health.

As I entered my mid 20s I had a growing underlying fear that I wouldn’t be able to have children and very little information to console me.

I stupidly went off the pill shortly after getting married thinking I could fix my PCOS on my own and my hormones went nuts. I’m talking cystic acne on my jawline the size of blueberries that needed steroid injections. Mood swings, weight gain it was terrible and made me feel like never leaving the house again. I went back on the pill and regained control of my skin and weight. As much as I’d dreamt of conceiving naturally I needed help. I saw my GP who referred me to a fertility doctor.

What a game changer that fertility doctor was. For the first time ever he explained PCOS in a way I understood. I remember him explaining it like this: He said your body makes eggs but my body doesn’t release the right hormones to make those eggs mature and release. So they get stuck like a string of pearls or cysts. The reason we put you on the pill is to ensure your uterus shed and renews. This prevents you from developing endometriosis. He said PCOS is a condition that doesn’t discriminate, it affects women of all shapes and sizes with varying severity.

Next he sent me for every test to assess me. I had literally so many bloods done I had to go over 3 days because the nurse refused to take so much in one sitting, I had a internal ultrasound (yep they’re a thing- think wand up you know where) to count the ‘pearls’ stuck in my ovaries. I had ink squirted up again you know where, this allows them to X-rays to check your Fallopian tubes are all good- this by far was the WORST test…. vomit!.

The fertility doctor started me on ovulation induction, This is like the first level treatment that they try before IVF. In brief it means they force your body to mature and release the eggs.

Round 1

It started with me doing a month of contraceptive- this is to work out when Day 1 of your cycle is. Following instructions on the first day of my period I rang the clinic. They told me to come in the next day for bloods- which would be day 2. Bloods opened at 7am at the hospital. When you arrived you signed in and nurses saw you in order of arrival. Needing to be at work by 8 the process alone of getting early enough was slightly stressful to say the least. Anyways enough complaining here’s what happened:

• Blood Test 1: The bloods measured my Estrogen, Lutenizing Hormone and Progesterone. My results meant I needed to start a course of Letrozole for 5 days and have no unprotected sex. Well Letrzole is a interesting drug and the fertility doctor told me not to google it because the side affects can be scary. For me it was mood affecting and caused weight gain- not fun!
• Blood Test 2 : Five days later I returned to be pricked again- result- waiting for oestrogen to rise, no unprotected sex, return in 3 days
• Blood Test 3: Still waiting for estrogen to rise, no unprotected sex, return in 4 days
• Blood Test 4: Still waiting for estrogen to rise, restart Letrozole at double dose, no unprotected sex, return in 7 days
• Blood Test 5 : Waiting for estrogen to rise, no unprotected sex, return in 3 days
• Blood Test 6 : Estrogen starting to rise, no unprotected sex, return in 2 days
• Blood Test 7 : Getting close to ovulation, no unprotected sex, return in 2 days
• Blood Test 8 : Administer Ovidrel Pen tonight. This is a injection you give yourself. You basically get this pen out of the fridge, attach the needle, turn the cap to the right dosage, pinch your stomach fat, insert needle and press down until the whole dosage has gone in. It sounds awful, but its really not that bad, and doesn’t really hurt at all. Following the injection instruction said to start trying to conceive that night, the next day and the day after. I also had to do booster injections of a reduced dose 3 more times that week.Then the waiting game began. I couldn’t do one of those over the counter pregnancy tests because the booster injections contain HCG, the same hormone a pregnancy produces. So a home pregnancy test would give a false positive.
• Blood Test 9 : Not pregnant- ring us on the first day of your period.

I wasn’t overly disappointed to find the first month hadn’t worked. I’d already accepted that this could take a while and felt with the medication dose changes, that this month was more of them working out my body than anything else.

However the physical effects were noticeable. My arms were so bruised. I naturally have low blood pressure which meant sometimes only one arm would play the game and they’d have to use that same arm over multiple dates. It also didn’t help that the weather was warming up and I was having to wear long sleeve shirts to hide my arms. I found having hydrolyte each morning helped them find the veins quicker and really tried to up my water intake for round 2. I’d put on weight and was soo tired all the time but we persevered.

Round 2

• Blood Test 1: Commence Letrozole at double dose for 7 days and have no unprotected sex, return in 8 days
• Blood Test 2 : waiting for estrogen to rise, no unprotected sex, return in 4 days
• Blood Test 3: Small estrogen rise, no unprotected sex, return in 2 days
• Blood Test 4: Estrogen rising, attend an internal ultrasound, no unprotected sex, return in 2 days. The ultrasound is to count how many eggs your releasing to prevent you possible falling pregnant with 3+ babies! I only had 1 that on the scan- not gonna lie at this point I though twins would be awesome. I have since changed my mind.
• Blood Test 5 : Administer Ovidrel Pen tonight. Do booster injections of a reduced dose 3 more times this week.Then the waiting game began. I couldn’t do one of those over the counter pregnancy tests because the booster injections Start trying to conceive that night, the next day and the day after. Commence progesterone, return in 8 days. *progesterone are pessaries that you have to put up your bum..wonderful
• Blood Test 6 : Mid luteal (which means you are a week post ovulation) return in 9 days.
• Blood Test 7 : Good levels, continue progesterone, return in 4 days.
• Blood Test 8 : Pregnant!!!!!! continue progesterone, return in 3 days.
• Blood Test 9 : Good pregnancy levels, continue progesterone, return in 3 days.
• Blood Test 10 : Good pregnancy levels, continue progesterone, return in 3 days.
• Blood Test 11: Nice rise in pregnancy levels, progesterone levels have dropped but remain at good level, attend ultrasound, continue progesterone, return in 4 days.
• Blood Test 12 : Good pregnancy levels, continue progesterone, NO MORE BLOODS!

I was so lucky! I know this is not everyone’s experience but the treatment was really effective on my body. I continued to take the progesterone pessaries everyday for 14 weeks. It’s my understanding that sometimes people with PCOS don’t produce enough progesterone naturally which can cause miscarriage. I had a really healthy pregnancy resulting in a beautiful baby boy.

What I learnt the most though was that I didn’t need to fear my PCOS. I just needed to learn about my body. The fertility doctor took such good care of me and helped us to create a family of our own.

To all my PCOS girls and mumma’s out there I’m thinking of you, make sure you get all the help and support you need. It’s certainly not a easy journey but you will get through it I promise.

Mumma Z xxx

Ditching Dairy whilst Breastfeeding

Photo by Jan Koetsier on Pexels.com

My eldest son was the gassiest baby. Always fussy, hard to settle and he hated lying flat. He would squirm and cry in pain after feeds and did not sleep well at all.

After some investigation and trying lots of burping techniques my doctor suggested cutting dairy from my diet.

It turns out there are a small proportion of babies who are sensitive to dairy and its one of the only food groups proven by scientists to cause gassiness/fussiness in little ones. This is because the proteins from the cow’s milk transfer into the breast milk. However, I am no expert and there are many symptoms of sensitivity of food if you suspect diary is the problem its best to speak to your doctor before you do something drastic such as cutting dairy out of your life.

But dairy was our problem and the solution was waving it goodbye for the next year.

For me the worst thing about cutting dairy out of my diet was that it wasn’t a quick fix. You see it takes between 2-3 weeks for dairy to leave your system. Then once you’ve committed, you have to keep it up, there’s no days off until you stop breastfeeding all together, and the slightest slip up sees an instant return of a fussy baby and a 2-3 week wait for it to subside.

Then there’s the reality of actually giving it up. You see giving up a food group is bloody hard. You have to be hyper aware of what you’re eating all the time. Eating takes planning now and going out can be tricky. I also didn’t realise the extent of my love for dairy until I had to quit it for a year.

Now don’t get me wrong the sacrifice is worth it to stop your little one from being in pain. But I’m only human and when your sleep deprived having one more thing to think about is so stressful. Even though there are dairy alternatives some of them just don’t hit the mark. For example I always remember going to make a cup of tea and getting the milk out only to realise this daily ritual was no longer. I tried black tea, I tried tea with soy milk (YUCK!) I tried herbal teas but nothing cured my craving for just your standard cuppa. Other foods I just couldn’t satisfy my cravings for were cheese, chocolate, and milo.

However its not all bad, after I finished breastfeeding my eldest I didn’t go back to dairy in my coffee I am a permanent almond milk convert. Not being able to eat a lot of naughty foods such as cakes and biscuits also helped me loose my baby weight quicker. I discovered lots of new recipes and became more educated on the nutrition of my foods and drinks.

There are a few replacements I would recommend over others though to make the transition easier:

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Almond Milk: I much preferred almond milk over soy milk. However I am a fussy almond milk consumer and only like MilkLab Almond Milk.

Coconut Yoghurt: This was a godsend for my smoothie ritual and when I needed convenient snacks in the fridge. Nakula Coconut Yoghurt Natural is by far my favourite and still a weekly staple for our family.

Vegan Chocolate Coated Blueberries: a workmate actually gave me a jar of these as a thank you and they changed my life. You can get them from your local bulk-food store or Dr Superfoods website.

Nuttelex: As a mad butter lover it I thought I’d have a hard time replacing it. Nuttelex is great, it tastes great and works fantastically in baking.

Weis Dark Chocolate Ice cream: Ice cream is my favourite dessert and sorbet never hits the spot for me. Weis Dark chocolate ice cream is to die for and you’d never know its dairy free!

Good luck dairy free mumma

Mumma Z xxx

Hell-ride: When the kids cry in the car!

My eldest son hated the car. This was not particularly helpful when we needed to drive in the car with him for 40 minutes minimum every single day. To this day the thought of getting in the car with him when he was a newborn fills me with dread. The gut wrenching screams from the back of the car. My anxiety levels rising with every minute of being trapped in there with him. The stress of repeating “its alright we’re almost there” even through we were no where close. The inability to do anything because I was stuck in traffic and couldn’t reach him to comfort him. The choice to turn up the music and try to ignore the cries so that I could focus on driving safely. It was the definition of hell!

Even now two years late we can have ‘hell-rides’ as I like to call them. The exception is that this time they’re caused by my son dropping a toy or book, and the crying is just his frustration that I can’t just magically pick them up whilst driving and give them back to him. To date my second son likes the car but only when it’s moving and he generally falls asleep which causes other problems but let’s not go there right now.

So here’s a list of things that have helped reduce our hell-rides that work… most of the time:

Check the car seat: Our sons first car seat was a capsule with a suede like lining. We think it made him too hot and uncomfortable. We replaced it with a Britax Safe N Sound Graphene Convertible which has bamboo fabric that keeps him cool. The change was instant, the crying stopped!

Check the car seat straps: I find when you pull the car seat straps tight they really dig into the shoulders. After pulling tight I pull on the leg straps which always gives a bit, then I move that give up to the shoulder area and pull tight again. This creates a more even firmness across the hold harness. My boys are more comfortable and more secure this way.

Time your car rides: For newborns make sure they’re fed, have clean nappies, and if you can do some tummy time beforehand so that they’re worn out and more likely to sleep. For toddlers tell them the night before that you’re going in the car the next day and where they’re going. This helps the next day because they’re prepared. When I had regular car rides to work I used to put my eldest straight in the car when he woke up pyjamas and all. That way he was still sleepy, then I’d dress and feed him at my mums house. This way we weren’t rushing activities at home or interrupting his play. Now days I’m at home so car rides are more casual. I always make sure he’s got a clean nappy and we pick a book or toy to take in the car with us.

Music: My toddler loves music in the car and has become quite picky! He now tells me when he doesn’t like a song, or when he wants to hear one on repeat. I got a much needed reminder this week when he commented the music was too loud. It wasn’t louder than usual but he found it too much. Remember you have little ears in the car, so maybe try changing the volume levels and see if it helps. Also try changing up the playlist and see if different styles make them more comfortable.

Avoid rewards in the car: Whether its food or technology try to avoid things in the car that you’re not willing to give them every single car ride. This may be hard because you want a quick fix but I promise its worth a few hell-rides sticking to a safe car routine then dealing with tantrums because they want rewards every time you need to go somewhere.

Good luck mumma, the crying in the car will pass!

Mumma Z xxx

How a Boy Mumma dealt with gender disappointment

Its weird before I had kids I never really thought about the gender of my kids I guess I just kinda assumed I’d have a boy and a girl. It never occurred to me that I’d only be a mumma to one gender and that that gender would be boys!

When I was pregnant with my first the gender didn’t really matter but I won’t lie. When I found out it was a boy I was momentarily disappointed. I think it was a mix between my mum saying she thought it was girl and the fact that I’d got it in my head that it was. Or maybe it was the idea that having a kid the same gender as myelf felt safer, like I would be more prepared for a girl than a boy.

The feeling didn’t entirely go away and I didn’t honestly believe it was boy until he was born. But as they say the moment he arrived it was overwhelming love at first sight and I have loved being his Mumma. He cracks me up everyday. I’m navigating my way through his construction obsession and love playing trains, cars and firemen with him. I love little boys fashion and spend way too much on chinos, boat shoes and gorgeous wooden jumpers for him.

When I found out I was pregnant with number two though I found conversation about what gender was really difficult. So many people commented that we must be hoping for a girl that I started to feel like I’d be a failure if my baby wasn’t. A good friend of mine with a boy the same age as me had just had her second and it was girl. I felt jealous that she had created the textbook family and wondered what my future held. At the 20 week scan they told us we were expecting a boy. the extended family were excited but there was definitely disappointment on a few faces that they weren’t going to be little girl outfits or seeing a mini me running around. I too felt upset. My good friend who’s second was a girl said something really profound to me though. She said” you have to mourn the one you don’t have“. She hadn’t found out the gender of the second until she was born, and even though she had hoped for a daughter she had slight gender disappointment at the birth. You see when she realised it was a girl she had to mourn the boy she thought she might have. She had envisaged a little boy as well, picked a name for him, and part of her was sad about not having him even though she absolutely loves her daughter.

I too had to take the time to mourn the daughter I wasn’t having. I also had to mourn the idea that this may be my last pregnancy and I may never have a daughter. I will always be the mother in law. I will always be outnumbered at home, and may not have a sidekick joining me shopping or getting our nails done.

Interestingly though I found as I entered the later part of my pregnancy I started to feel relief that I was expecting another boy. I loved being a mum to my first boy and having sons felt like familiar territory. The two of them will be best buddies, they will be able to enjoy the same toys and similar activities not to mention all money id save on boys clothes. Boys love their mumma’s and they are so affectionate. I just love all the cuddles and kisses and the way they’re teaching me to look at the world differently. I am at peace with having two boys, and just want you to know that even though you may be disappointed now I promise you it will change when you meet your baby. Don’t feel guilty about how your feeling take the time to mourn the one your not having, it doesn’t mean you love your baby any less.

Mumma Z xxx